i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
