i was born a porn star she said
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
