Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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