I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
