You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
