85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
