So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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