So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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