Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
