this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize