He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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