maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize