Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
