Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
