I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
