Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize