i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
