No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
