They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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