i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She even gives head with a lisp.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
