only if we run a train.
done.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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