i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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