Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
