Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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