You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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