I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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