Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
