I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
