Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
