Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The power of my boobs compel you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
