I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
