Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
