Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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