I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
