NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
