and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
