things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
