You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
