I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
