I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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