If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
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