we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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