im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How external is "for external use only"?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
