woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
