I got chris browned last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
