Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
