You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Fuck appropriateness.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
