"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
