im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just cropdusted the office
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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