make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
