The maid of honor just puked.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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