My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
