hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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