I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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