No more Irish car bombs ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
