i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
