last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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