Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
