We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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