I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
