my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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