Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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