so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
