Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
