I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
