I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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